~ the evolution of dreams ~
October 31, 2006,4:07 p.m.
visceral memory
there isn't a proper word for the feeling we call 'missing', 'grief', or 'homesick'. homesick is a bit closer but it's still wrong.that feeling combines achiness with yearning, longing, missing, and a catch in your throat. it fills up your middle and your joints and gets into the marrow of your bones. this is what i feel for my grandparents, for good friends i can't speak with anymore. this is what i also feel for very specific places: plitvice, brela, san remo, morges. it is what i know i will feel when i finally go to scotland and live there. the land of my grandmother, and of my mother's ancestors.
it's on days like this where i don't dare look at memories in my mind, or photos from trips. i know it will just make the ache worse. even looking at the green plant above with its new raindrops, a plant from outside toni's house, makes me ache. i'm working so hard to fulfill the demands of this ache. it says to me go. and it also tells me, this land is in your blood, but you do not belong here. you belong to other places, places that shape your imagination and your soul. places that trigger a recognition in you that goes beyond blood. these places are in your bones, in your memory.
it is a ruthless combination of instinct and hurting.
scotland, and the mediterranean. i belong to those places. i ache for them. and i ache for those i've lost.
October 29, 2006,8:23 p.m.
yum i'm spoiled rotten
my friend's mother brought these treats from japan for toni & i to enjoy. ohhhh they are both so good! crunchy biscuits covered in chocolate, and flaky white and dark chocolate crisscrossed deliciousness...i think i will soon faint from the overload of boxed deliciousness sitting in this apartment.
,2:34 p.m.
it's all about the expressive ears
this picture is so adorable your retinas are going to explode. consider yourself forewarned.
click on the pic to go to the original site, cuteoverload.com.
click on the pic to go to the original site, cuteoverload.com.Labels: adorable
,2:22 p.m.
toronto : montreal : toronto
these HDR photos of hong kong are really cool.
the trip to montreal was great. we got 23 quelque chose :) deliciousness awaits in boxfuls. we are going to be horrid and selfish and keep it all to ourselves. except for one. we're sending one to croatia, for one of toni's friends. but the rest are OURS!
montreal is such an interesting place. it doesn't have the whimsical beauty of quebec city but its european feel is the same. i wish we could have spent a few weeks there. and that robert lepage was touring one of his shows there. that would've been perfect. someday toni will be able to see his work. someday.
toni had never seen the basilique notre dame or the oratoire st. joseph so we took him there. the morning on the day we left toronto, i took some shots of the sunrise. the first one, as the sun was just starting to come up, is my favourite.
the trip to montreal was great. we got 23 quelque chose :) deliciousness awaits in boxfuls. we are going to be horrid and selfish and keep it all to ourselves. except for one. we're sending one to croatia, for one of toni's friends. but the rest are OURS!
montreal is such an interesting place. it doesn't have the whimsical beauty of quebec city but its european feel is the same. i wish we could have spent a few weeks there. and that robert lepage was touring one of his shows there. that would've been perfect. someday toni will be able to see his work. someday.
toni had never seen the basilique notre dame or the oratoire st. joseph so we took him there. the morning on the day we left toronto, i took some shots of the sunrise. the first one, as the sun was just starting to come up, is my favourite.
October 26, 2006,6:14 p.m.
questionable content
it's linked in the sidebar. but it's so good i had to link it here too.
,3:39 p.m.
drastic times
this is the best beer in the world. not because it doesn't taste like beer; i am not one of those girls who doesn't like beer. i love good beer. quelque chose is simply in a completely different league.
it is, concisely put, the ambrosia of all beers.
unfortunately the brewer is discontinuing its production. i can understand that it takes a lot of time to create something that tastes like the drink zeus consumes all the time. i don't know, maybe the human consumption rate was getting to such a point that they couldn't keep up with the production needed for zeus' personal dose.
all i know is that there are a limited number of bottles left in the world. and that this calls for drastic measures.
i'm doing what it will take to ensure that as many of the contents in these remaining bottles end up in my stomach.
doing what it takes, in this case, is driving to montreal and cleaning all SAQs within my reach of the bloody stuff until the trunk of our car can't carry no more.
i am one kick-ass bitch when it comes to getting what i want. oh yes.
if only i knew the president of unibroue.
,12:43 p.m.
it's cute. i'm not.
see this cute little giraffe? it weighs the same as me. it's taller, but we share the same weight.see, i was sick, for a really long time, and i lost like 16 pounds. i really needed those 16 pounds. i've been trying to gain it back, but i can't. it's really annoying. like my wardrobe is now all the wrong size kind of annoying.
so, on sunday, a year and a half after my left wisdom teeth came in, my right wisdom teeth decided it was time for them to see the world too. i think they got a bit jealous of the left set of wisdom teeth bragging about how much awesome food they kept getting to chew. not to mention all the other sexy teeth they get to hang out with. (hi toni!)
so the right side of my face is a bit swollen, and my top right wisdom tooth must have trained in taekwondo or something because i think it's trying to break my cheekbone.
the upshot of this is I. CAN'T. OPEN. MY. MOUTH. OR. CHEW.
if this goes on for a week i'm not going to be able to go outside without my pants falling off my non-existent butt. if i lived in the mediterranean that wouldn't bother me so much cuz it would be warm enough to wear a dress. but i'm in canada. and it's almost november. and it's frickin' cold.
i also get really cranky when i can't eat. i happen to like food.
i also happen to really hate pudding.
Labels: challenges, controversy, food
October 24, 2006,5:05 p.m.
1.2.3.
1. i am so jazzed on a starbucks wet cappucino (SNOB!) that i'm commenting on my own blog.
2. i crack myself up.
3. my best saying ever i coined 32 nanoseconds ago:
p.p.s. i really did mean 'snob' in english spelled frontwards tho
p.p.p.s. never have a grande starbucks after a month's abstinence. go for the little cups. trust me. trust me on the little cups. if not for your sake, for everyone else's.
2. i crack myself up.
3. my best saying ever i coined 32 nanoseconds ago:
my brain cells have migrated to my wisdom teeth.p.s. 'snob' is candy in french spelled backwards© 2006 ad infinitum by sappho
p.p.s. i really did mean 'snob' in english spelled frontwards tho
p.p.p.s. never have a grande starbucks after a month's abstinence. go for the little cups. trust me. trust me on the little cups. if not for your sake, for everyone else's.
October 23, 2006,5:11 p.m.
quote of a generation?
i read about this article on mighty girl today. i already knew about david lehre from his myspace: the movie and its subsequent explosion on youtube. however, i wasn't prepared for the experience of having the following words - the last words - of his interview leap out of the screen to whip straight through me, screaming their peculiar truth of our generation:
I grew up using Google to solve all my problems.- David Lehre, Esquire Magazine, The Unlikely Phenom
Labels: articles, famous people, film
,3:25 p.m.
tango shoes
toni and i are taking argentine tango lessons. these are my tango shoes (not real ones - those are too expensive for now!)...my substitute shoes are surprisingly easy to dance in (my other shoes, that i wear for fosse, are much harder).
ballet, pilates, and fosse are all coming in handy to help me with this type of tango. it is very hard - mostly for the men - but to dance so close, in pairs...well, it is easy to lose one's balance. i am having difficulty not leading :) toni is doing remarkably well; sometimes he gets frustrated but he is an excellent dancer and picks up on things fast.next week is our last class...i will be sad to see it end. toni has asked to either continue classes at the same place if they're available, or look somewhere else. i'm happy to do that - i miss dancing, and argentine tango is definitely undiscovered, and sexy territory!
October 22, 2006,4:04 p.m.
cyber void
writing into the black hole of cyberspace
in other news
did you know that it can take up to 2 hours to get into a traditional kimono? i was told yesterday that i would look lovely in a kimono. i would like to wear one, at least once! my friend looked stunning in her formal kimono.
i did ask her if she could breath though. she assured me she could, which made me a little less skeptical about actually getting myself into one. someday. i'll be sure to take pictures when i do :)
in other news
did you know that it can take up to 2 hours to get into a traditional kimono? i was told yesterday that i would look lovely in a kimono. i would like to wear one, at least once! my friend looked stunning in her formal kimono.
i did ask her if she could breath though. she assured me she could, which made me a little less skeptical about actually getting myself into one. someday. i'll be sure to take pictures when i do :)
Labels: clothes, japan, lonely blog
October 21, 2006,12:40 p.m.
weddings
i just wrapped this. took me an hour! a good friend of mine was married last year in japan - she and her husband are in canada now, and they are celebrating their marriage today with their canadian friends and family. i am very excited - my friend is wearing a traditional kimono and i can't wait to see it (i've only seen the pictures from her wedding in japan).we got them a beautiful cream mohair throw from australia. it's so soft and cuddly. i love happy things!
Labels: weddings
October 19, 2006,11:35 a.m.
le moi, aujourd'hui
the perfect description of how i feel & where i want to be today.
my eyes are pressed into their sockets to remind me i'm tired.
my body lost its invisible exoskeleton somewhere last night.
because my exoskeleton is invisible i'm afraid i won't be able to find it.
unless i step on it first i suppose; but then it will be cracked.
i have far too much to do today, and very little time.
merde.
my eyes are pressed into their sockets to remind me i'm tired.
my body lost its invisible exoskeleton somewhere last night.
because my exoskeleton is invisible i'm afraid i won't be able to find it.
unless i step on it first i suppose; but then it will be cracked.
i have far too much to do today, and very little time.
merde.
October 18, 2006,5:56 p.m.
for some blessed zzzz's
This is what happens when you need a break and realize you are tired.
I was too tired to email them though.
I was too tired to email them though.
October 17, 2006,10:31 p.m.
a whole 9 cents
tony and i stopped by our local video store on the way back from the theatre tonight. we had a set of videos to return and wanted to take the second set out. tony asked me to pay - i said ok.
we walked in, returned the first set of videos which were late (by one day) and i grabbed the tag off the second set we wanted to take with us. i planned to ask to pay for an extra day because i knew we'd need two nights to watch the series, and the only nights we could do that were tomorrow and friday.
so i went up to the cash, and handed the guy the tag. he got the movie and found us in the database. he realized we had just returned the first series and grabbed the discs to enter them in. i said i thought they were late. he said, don't worry about it.
here is where the loss of my neurons (see previous posts) kicks in.
not only did i NOT register that "don't worry about it" meant "hey, you guys come here all the time, it's cool, we'll pass the late charges on this one" but my neurons briefly flashed and flickered this fabricated meaning instead - i kid you not: "no worries, this series is on our new releases shelf, but no one in their right mind would rent it anyway, so you know you haven't made anyone's lives a disaster because you kept it 24 WHOLE HOURS MORE THAN YOU SHOULD HAVE."
the above fabrication took up so much neuron energy that a few couple hundred more fell by the wayside in my brain and fizzed. twitching.
which is only how i can explain the following:
Nice Guy (he even gets capitalization): "ok so that will be $6.79"
s: pulls out $10 and roots around for change, finds 70 cents
NG(hegc): thanks
s: "you can keep the change"
NG(hegc): ? "what?"
s: you know the change.
NG(hegc): uhh
s: you can just give me the big ones. you know like loonies and toonies
NG(hegc): i don't get it
s: uhhhh
NG(hegc): hands me 2 toonies
s: thanks *blushing* sometimes i can't speak the english language
NG(hegc): that's ok
i hightail it out of there, feeling something is really wrong. tony follows. as i get out of there i hear NG(hegc) say to his coworker in his robert de niro voice (did i forget to mention the robert de niro voice?!): "that was bizarre."
as we get outside i turn to tony and say, "what went wrong? i don't get it."
tony looks at me and says,
"well, basically it was like this: first the guy doesn't charge you for the late fee, then you give him tidbits of change that is 9 cents short of round change, and then you tell him just give me the big stuff, loonies and toonies."
"HE DIDN'T CHARGE ME FOR THE LATE FEE?!!!"
"no...!!!!"
then i distinctly feel myself crumpling into the pavement to join a water puddle at my feet. did i mention it was raining?
i berated myself for most of the walk back (je suis une flippin' eeeeejit!!!) until tony couldn't take it any more and said,
"yes, you're a flippin' eeeejit. for a whole 9 cents."
i guess in the big scheme of things it's not that bad. a whole 9 cents.
we walked in, returned the first set of videos which were late (by one day) and i grabbed the tag off the second set we wanted to take with us. i planned to ask to pay for an extra day because i knew we'd need two nights to watch the series, and the only nights we could do that were tomorrow and friday.
so i went up to the cash, and handed the guy the tag. he got the movie and found us in the database. he realized we had just returned the first series and grabbed the discs to enter them in. i said i thought they were late. he said, don't worry about it.
here is where the loss of my neurons (see previous posts) kicks in.
not only did i NOT register that "don't worry about it" meant "hey, you guys come here all the time, it's cool, we'll pass the late charges on this one" but my neurons briefly flashed and flickered this fabricated meaning instead - i kid you not: "no worries, this series is on our new releases shelf, but no one in their right mind would rent it anyway, so you know you haven't made anyone's lives a disaster because you kept it 24 WHOLE HOURS MORE THAN YOU SHOULD HAVE."
the above fabrication took up so much neuron energy that a few couple hundred more fell by the wayside in my brain and fizzed. twitching.
which is only how i can explain the following:
Nice Guy (he even gets capitalization): "ok so that will be $6.79"
s: pulls out $10 and roots around for change, finds 70 cents
NG(hegc): thanks
s: "you can keep the change"
NG(hegc): ? "what?"
s: you know the change.
NG(hegc): uhh
s: you can just give me the big ones. you know like loonies and toonies
NG(hegc): i don't get it
s: uhhhh
NG(hegc): hands me 2 toonies
s: thanks *blushing* sometimes i can't speak the english language
NG(hegc): that's ok
i hightail it out of there, feeling something is really wrong. tony follows. as i get out of there i hear NG(hegc) say to his coworker in his robert de niro voice (did i forget to mention the robert de niro voice?!): "that was bizarre."
as we get outside i turn to tony and say, "what went wrong? i don't get it."
tony looks at me and says,
"well, basically it was like this: first the guy doesn't charge you for the late fee, then you give him tidbits of change that is 9 cents short of round change, and then you tell him just give me the big stuff, loonies and toonies."
"HE DIDN'T CHARGE ME FOR THE LATE FEE?!!!"
"no...!!!!"
then i distinctly feel myself crumpling into the pavement to join a water puddle at my feet. did i mention it was raining?
i berated myself for most of the walk back (je suis une flippin' eeeeejit!!!) until tony couldn't take it any more and said,
"yes, you're a flippin' eeeejit. for a whole 9 cents."
i guess in the big scheme of things it's not that bad. a whole 9 cents.
Labels: embarrassing moments
,5:09 p.m.
chili
tony and i made chili on the weekend.
it took a long time to cook. we made so much it didn't fit in one pot.
it took so long to cook that we were really really really frustrated because we were hungry.
don't worry tony is ok.
i'm ok too.really.
we were ok, because of this:
oh and the chili? it was good.
October 13, 2006,3:20 p.m.
tongue twisters
*see note at bottomperhaps it’s inherent in the nature of language. in the construction of the word. but something about language drags chaos and conflict in its wake.
i love words. so many people do. we use them, to speak, express our emotions, to connect with other humans, because we need to – we need to be heard, we need to be touched.
i am so angry that in 2006, NOW, TODAY, THIS MINUTE, people still try to stop other people from speaking. from writing. from being heard.
no one should dare to impede another’s right to freely utilize words, especially when they are using those words for the expression of ideas. for the expression of intelligence. for the expression of genius. for the betterment of the human race.
we can – when faced with words aimed to hurt, aimed with malicious intent – deal with these words as best we can, with other words. i feel so stupid writing this, writing this when it is one of the lessons your parents teach you when you are five, or six: “don’t hit, use your words.” use your words. i wish with all my heart we could let people use their words without fear.
no one possesses the right to make people afraid to speak out. no government, no parent, no one. we shouldn’t be afraid.
use your words.
i love words. so many people do. we use them, to speak, express our emotions, to connect with other humans, because we need to – we need to be heard, we need to be touched.
i am so angry that in 2006, NOW, TODAY, THIS MINUTE, people still try to stop other people from speaking. from writing. from being heard.
no one should dare to impede another’s right to freely utilize words, especially when they are using those words for the expression of ideas. for the expression of intelligence. for the expression of genius. for the betterment of the human race.
we can – when faced with words aimed to hurt, aimed with malicious intent – deal with these words as best we can, with other words. i feel so stupid writing this, writing this when it is one of the lessons your parents teach you when you are five, or six: “don’t hit, use your words.” use your words. i wish with all my heart we could let people use their words without fear.
no one possesses the right to make people afraid to speak out. no government, no parent, no one. we shouldn’t be afraid.
use your words.
*Salman Rushdie's Midnight's Children would be in this pile but i lent it.
Labels: language
October 12, 2006,1:01 p.m.
o for air
alrighty i've had enough. i am starting to feel better - i.e. i'm not stuck in bed! i'm not constantly coughing! - but woe betide me if i expect to be able to draw a full breath.
oh ho, i have been just generally run down, so the doctors say - yet they still can't figure out what's wrong. well, they know some things. such as the fact that i have bronchitis, and that's why i can't breathe, because the little trees in my rib cage have lesions and are clogged. it seems i need an eavestrough company to clear out my air passageways.
but you see, i can't breathe - so i'm taking this stuff:
which stops me coughing so my lesions can heal (so i've been told) but it gives me the shakes and i still can't take a full breath.
so i'm tired and can't think straight a lot of the time. because there isn't any oxygen going to my brain. there hasn't been, for over a month.
all i really want is air, sometimes. a lot of air. and for the pressure in my throat and chest to go away. arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!
how many brain cells do you think i've lost, not being able to breath fully for a month?
i think i've lost:
Labels: sick
October 10, 2006,12:18 p.m.
haircut!
i got my hair cut today at o coiffure, which is just down the street. my brother told me about his hairdresser there and i went this morning and promptly fell in love. my hair ADORES this guy, it is falling in all the right places and looks happy.
toni is not feeling well today so he took the day off work and is snoozing. it's lovely having him home, even if he is unconscious in the next room. we'll watch kung fu hustle before i trott off to meetings and have to be all grown-up. me with my new haircut and snazzy business clothes. !
toni and i are in raptures over a delicious treat a friend of mine brought from japan. it's a kind of sugared fruit rind, but the fruit is a cross between a lemon and an orange. the flavour is incredibly strong and absolutely delicious. maybe they are kind of like mikan but i am not sure. i will ask my friend to translate the name for me again and i'll try to find it online. i hope i can find some in an asian supermarket here in t.o. the hunt is on!
toni is not feeling well today so he took the day off work and is snoozing. it's lovely having him home, even if he is unconscious in the next room. we'll watch kung fu hustle before i trott off to meetings and have to be all grown-up. me with my new haircut and snazzy business clothes. !
toni and i are in raptures over a delicious treat a friend of mine brought from japan. it's a kind of sugared fruit rind, but the fruit is a cross between a lemon and an orange. the flavour is incredibly strong and absolutely delicious. maybe they are kind of like mikan but i am not sure. i will ask my friend to translate the name for me again and i'll try to find it online. i hope i can find some in an asian supermarket here in t.o. the hunt is on!
Labels: happy