the perfect description of how i feel & where i want to be today.

my eyes are pressed into their sockets to remind me i'm tired.

my body lost its invisible exoskeleton somewhere last night.

because my exoskeleton is invisible i'm afraid i won't be able to find it.

unless i step on it first i suppose; but then it will be cracked.

i have far too much to do today, and very little time.

merde.

Labels: sick, tired

This is what happens when you need a break and realize you are tired.

I was too tired to email them though.

Labels: sick, tired

sometimes, i wish i could go somewhere far away, just for a while. i really over-committed myself this year, by accident really - when i accepted the president position for the dance coalition i wasn't in the full-time work program i'm in now, and i didn't have such crappy pay that i had to supplement my living expenses with a part-time job. i've been through a bit of a rough time in my personal life over the last little while, although it definitely hasn't been as rough as it could have been (or has been for others that i know and love well) - but i am scared, a little bit, that i am slowly breaking down. i know i'll be fine. i'm just scared of the toll this is taking on my relationships, familial in particular. but i'll work through that, i guess. you always do. survive.

i want to thank all of my dear, dear friends who are so forgiving, and welcoming, to me, when i haven't been a very good friend over the past two years. i regret not keeping in touch as much as i should have, and i regret what i have missed in your lives as a result. but thank you for always being there for me, even when it seems like i've been a stranger.

~ sappho

Labels: tired, transitions, winding paths unseen

i've been back for a week now. i think the constant energy required for the past three weeks is showing its repercussive effects now - i have been falling asleep at my desk every day it seems. i'm hoping that as fall comes (it's my favourite season) that i will feel livelier and happier to be alive.

Labels: death, love, tired

i really miss my home - the kitchen, the windows, the light, the cat, the COUCH, the floors, the curtains in the bedroom. i miss the peace of it. i can't wait for tony to come to waterloo and for both of us to leave together - and go back to london, where i can see the people i love.

i feel like a shadow without the people i love.

this has never happened to me before.

i miss so much, everyday. i'm so happy that i'm almost done here. i can't wait to go home.

Labels: away from home, death, love, tired

and hawing. there is so much reading to be done, and what with being stuck in waterloo in a dorm room with cement walls painted lime-green, well, it leaves much to be desired.

i hereby release myself of any accountability when i go mad.

and what is the logic of freezing weather, an hour north of toronto, where it is sweltering?

waterloo is in the frigid range of degrees.

shiver.

i am too tired to be interesting. i think i will crash, in order to escape the walls, the coldness, the fact that i am not in toronto or with my family. it has never felt so wrong, being away from the people i love, before.

Labels: away from home, death, love, tired