~ the evolution of dreams ~
July 15, 2008,1:28 p.m.
realization
i think a lot of my posts on this blog are about the state of my body.
i realized this when i was going to post today, because i was going to give an update (ovaries looked at, check; change of pill imminent, check; possible reasons for extra hair on face, check, dammit) and then i thought, i write a lot about my body. i write about the fact that it's tired, it's hormonal, it's bent on full-out revenge and wants to perform a self-lobotomy, a lot.
so, because i'm exhausted and my eyes feel like they have been drilled into my skull by a rhinoceros, i'm going to list the reasons why i think i write about my body so much:
1) i have lots of mental problems that i ignored for years. the mental problems manifested themselves as very fucked-up symptoms in my body. once i started taking care of my mind, i stopped getting sick all the time, and i stopped having those periods where i was paralyzed and bed-ridden. (i don't think i've talked about that with any of you guys before. only R knew about it because he came by one time and brought me food when i was living alone. yes-siree, he's a keeper.)
2) i danced for so long i know my body inside out and backwards. muscles, old injuries, states of exhaustion, when to stop, when i can keep going...this is all second nature to me. i realized i don't even THINK about any of this anymore, i just know. twenty years of dancing will do that to you i guess.
3) because i suffer from complex post-traumatic stress disorder, i get tired a lot (anxiety makes you tired). i don't have normal reactions to certain things in people's behaviour. before i didn't know why i got so freaked out. now i know, which is kind of worse but kind of better because at least i know i'm not crazy, i simply have CPTSD!! and it makes me tired! can i have a valium now?
anyway, i went to the skin clinic today, oh yes. it was great, in that i don't have any ice-burning today, although that ice-burn? it left a scar on the middle of my forehead. it will apparently go away but it will take a month or two. so i got my skin cleaned up a bit more, and while that was happening i announced that i got my ovaries checked out but i don't get the results til next week, and oh by the way i'm also changing my pill on sunday and ALSO the pill, one of its side-effects is INCREASED HAIR GROWTH DID YOU KNOW THAT?
so, ladies and gentlemen (there are no gentlemen reading this, who am i kidding?) LADIES, i am not superstitious and so i will say: i am not disease-ridden. meaning, i think it's safe to bet i don't have PCOS. i just have The Pill.
love,
sappho
i realized this when i was going to post today, because i was going to give an update (ovaries looked at, check; change of pill imminent, check; possible reasons for extra hair on face, check, dammit) and then i thought, i write a lot about my body. i write about the fact that it's tired, it's hormonal, it's bent on full-out revenge and wants to perform a self-lobotomy, a lot.
so, because i'm exhausted and my eyes feel like they have been drilled into my skull by a rhinoceros, i'm going to list the reasons why i think i write about my body so much:
1) i have lots of mental problems that i ignored for years. the mental problems manifested themselves as very fucked-up symptoms in my body. once i started taking care of my mind, i stopped getting sick all the time, and i stopped having those periods where i was paralyzed and bed-ridden. (i don't think i've talked about that with any of you guys before. only R knew about it because he came by one time and brought me food when i was living alone. yes-siree, he's a keeper.)
2) i danced for so long i know my body inside out and backwards. muscles, old injuries, states of exhaustion, when to stop, when i can keep going...this is all second nature to me. i realized i don't even THINK about any of this anymore, i just know. twenty years of dancing will do that to you i guess.
3) because i suffer from complex post-traumatic stress disorder, i get tired a lot (anxiety makes you tired). i don't have normal reactions to certain things in people's behaviour. before i didn't know why i got so freaked out. now i know, which is kind of worse but kind of better because at least i know i'm not crazy, i simply have CPTSD!! and it makes me tired! can i have a valium now?
anyway, i went to the skin clinic today, oh yes. it was great, in that i don't have any ice-burning today, although that ice-burn? it left a scar on the middle of my forehead. it will apparently go away but it will take a month or two. so i got my skin cleaned up a bit more, and while that was happening i announced that i got my ovaries checked out but i don't get the results til next week, and oh by the way i'm also changing my pill on sunday and ALSO the pill, one of its side-effects is INCREASED HAIR GROWTH DID YOU KNOW THAT?
so, ladies and gentlemen (there are no gentlemen reading this, who am i kidding?) LADIES, i am not superstitious and so i will say: i am not disease-ridden. meaning, i think it's safe to bet i don't have PCOS. i just have The Pill.
love,
sappho
posted by sappho
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