the weather is so muggy, i've been having really weird dreams, not sleeping well, and generally feeling as if someone substituted duvet fuzz for my brain. this has been compounded by the fact that i'm getting my period. so basically put the weird dreams, lack of sleep, and duvet fuzz to the power of two, and stand with me amazed that i am not only able to get up, shower, dress, and go to work, but that i am also sitting here formulating grammatically complete sentences.

the wonders of the world will never cease.

shoes

thanks to dooce posting a link to the virtual shoe museum, i have now discovered my favourite pair of shoes, ever. fortunately if i ever want a pair i will have to fly to amsterdam, the netherlands, or the UK. things are looking up.

cocoons

i will probably never be able to really explain why toni and i changed our wedding plans. suffice to say, the past 8 months have been a strange, hurtful, bizarre living hell that toni and i will never, ever let happen again, as far as it is within our power, amen. it is not good for anyone involved. family matters are intricate, complicated, emotional layers of mud that can easily suffocate you if you aren't careful. luckily we also have family who are healthy, supportive, clear individuals who are capable of being empathetic and putting their needs aside when it is appropriate and necessary. to the family and friends who have been nothing but unbelievably loving to toni and i this year, not only are you in our hearts forever, but we will always remember - because things like that are unforgettable. especially when your heart is breaking.

so, for a while, toni and i have been slowly knitting a little protective cocoon around ourselves, because we can create peace, and love, and happiness with each other. that is what we have been doing - partly to begin the process of healing, partly to find comfort, and partly because we are much, much stronger people today than we were eight months ago. i am proud of the two of us. we have been constructive in the midst of having people try to tear us apart. and we are showing the world that nothing will ever tear us apart. we love each other far too deeply to let that happen. and anyone who doesn't want us to be together will just have to fucking deal with that.

music

i've been listening to snow patrol a lot recently, c. thank you.

getting together

some of you have emailed me asking if we can get together. i would love to. i just can't before the wedding - toni and i are taking a bit of time to ourselves. i think all of you are amazing people who will understand. i love you all for that. and i want to see you. each one of you. even if that means driving to barrie, spart. i miss you guys. so - how about june?

let me know.

love,
sappho

Labels: challenges, change, love